Why??

Tears running down my face as I glaze at the light shining  from the moon.  Lying in bed wondering what did I do wrong this time!   Did I love him too much? Did he not like my attitude? Did he not understand my struggle as a black woman? Do I even care?  Let's be real I do care.  I care so much that I recorded my feelings on paper.  A poem of my undying love for this nigga.  He is probably out fucking the next Bitch. If he didn’t already.

Why do we do this too ourselves?  We put our hearts and emotions on the line foe these fellas.  It’s a lot a work to love a black man sometimes.  He may have a record.  You might make more money than him.  He might have a baby momma drama.  Then on top of that his mother is golden to him. And this bitch can’t stand you.  All because you was smarter than her.  I digress!

Why can’t that one love find me and love me with all his heart.  We live in a nice house in the suburbs with our 2.3 kids, white picket fence and the whole nine.  Why because that is a fairy tale.  Those people living that life, are they really happy?  Maybe?  I think not!

I think I should be like a man.  Play the field use men for what I want and need and then roll out like they do. We all know that is not going to work.  Well let’s just try! 

What do I want?

Every book I ever read about Polyamory starts out about how wonderful it is.  How polyamory is a higher level of love.  And so on and so on, and so on. For me I need to experience to believe it. Welcome to my road to polyamory.  To understand where I am today you must look into my past.